June 29, 2009

Big Push


This year, October 19th, 2009, I will turn 28. Many times like this, it knocks a pause of thought and reflection,when it comes to my attention. The majority of my friends are opening the door (to 30) or just tipped-toed through. To date I've been reluctant to talk about it with them. Wondering about what I might be uncomfortable to find out and/or bare bare witness to realizations that I've been working on and failed to attain.

An overwhelming flow of responsibility has been pushing at me as the years come along. Sometimes I think maybe I made 30 my own tipping point..Where cause and more importantly direction will be clear. Therefor my moves and actions towards my goals are fluid and bold. No longer are the days that (I accept being told or having the mindset) I'm a young man and I have a life ahead of me. At 27 your life should have begun to show sign of fruit of progression in life. Not necessarily results but what you've done and planned for from adolescence to young adult life. For this, is the beginning. Or at least should be. I feel that my 27( 25, 24 for that matter)yr/old's path should be charted at this time.. Maturity and benchmarks- with school, career, property, savings, investments ect.would be starting to get met without as much match as when I was 20, 21. No longer the young man am I.

'The old nigga is makin' it or needs to get his act together'. Literary thought. My mom always emphasized to me; maximize your 20's. "You dont wanna struggle when your going through the struggle. I've come to intimately realize that the(responsible: key word) 35+ person deals with stresses, responsibilities, planning and everyday encounters much more profound than a young adult. Its not quite the same and for that they earn a hell of aot of respect for that. Because its always easy to do nothing, to be irresponsible, to be not dependable, humble, not to have a foresight of your younger and elder members of your folks future's- we all know a handful of folks that when as far as up the block, to the corner store, and back- and it took they whole life to do it...And thats all they did.you know?

New York City (as a kid coming in to this world in the early 80's) I remember 30's as an age people flourishing or fighting there afflictions: trying to find a balance in career/home/financial stability, some were fighting drug addiction to actually live life once again, finding love or deciding to personally run from it, and transitioning into leaders of the clan and keepers of the elderly. We all remember what we witness, especially as young children and generally make a mold of some model we seen- 'lot of us swear we our own person but we just found somebody outside of any circle we know to be like... If we didnt, we could trash the word inspiration.

I have a wonderful gift of parents. One that has taught me how to persevere, plan, and attack goals- another has taught me the pitfalls of lack of responsibility, discretion, and what mistakes not to make to be comfortable and more so at peace at 50+(its so00 not that far away- think of how fast your years of late has past you). Life is what you live, so you have to live it, you have to take chances, you have to expose and be truthful to your weaknesses- for they will hold you back in life more than anything,you have to allow yourself to not get grown too quick. But its a big mental push- not an obstacle.. Perhaps more of what you dont know and the anxiety when you cross that threshold.. But I got my head up- already taking the old as Eddie Murphy jokes and shit better without slapping the end-of-bread- crumbs outta sombody's mouth. I still look bout 20 so thats a check.I think that means 30 @50 right. Im just gonna keep right on pushin.. Shouts to the grown folks.. -Q.

7 comments:

Mizrepresent said...

BabyBoy, u are on your way...keep doing what you doing and keep striving for what you want. The key is...you have all the instruments you need to get to wherever you want, nothing can stop u now!

clnmike said...

Keep trucking man.

Coogie Cruz said...

First....28 OMG I am freakin' out about 24 haha. But you know how I am.

I love that last line "...make a mold....trash the word of inspiration." That is so true.

Like you told me, acknowledging and writing out what it is is a step forward to where we want to be. And you're going to get there. (Hell, prob. before me.)

Like Dory told Merlin in Finding Nemo said "Just keep swimming just keep swimming just keep swimming swimming swimming"

Lovebabz said...

Babe...30 is CAKE! 40 is FABULOUS!

I am 46 and looking forward to 50!

Enjoy the ride...don't let mere numbers drive you. You are amazing and its not about being 28Age gracefully...stay forever young and enjoy the blessings of birthdays.

-Q. said...

@Miz That definitely is the key. Thats what I try to focus in on; I already have the tools..

-Q. said...

@Coog I wish i could have 24 back... Im learning that every second of life is precious.. But I got a question: What if you cant smim?

-Q. said...

@clnmike Its just a heavy load

@babz Im trying to tap into the grace.. I just go tap tap tap, and I dont even get an echo- so im wondering if its hollow or empty on the other side