Rollin Right Along...

Ayyyyo!!!waddap people. sad to be gone for a hot lil second, glad to be back. Was on vacation the other week and I kinda just seperated from everything the best that I could. Technology for one, media, my friends all that shit.. Of course some hatin ass mothafucka gotta throw they shit it in it. But hey, we been saying that same shit for years haven't we. Theres a poin in time where you have to CUT the Bullshit off and live.. Im not gonna get into that but alot of us say we do but with some things we dont know how to cut that shit right at the foot. Im adamantly trying to get with that program with ALL things so I can live life. Cuzz we all know these hatin' azz mothafuckaz gonna be the same tired niggas in life till THEY start to live. We know it so lets move on..

Anyway I had a good time I went to the beach in Galveston. Plush, to say the least about the trip... Me time. Such a plus.. Im from one of the fastest cities in the world but I think my soul got captured by some tiny country town or island villa somewhere because tranquility, quietness, stillness- it captivates me and I bask in it everytime I get the chance.. I remember as a child my mom used to read everynight and it would just be me and her, so if i wasnt romping around or had everything that had a plug blaring, it was fairly quiet.. Sometimes id get bored of being entertained and i'd just come and lay up wit my mom.Sometimes i'd read some of what she was reading.Sometimes I'd read my own shit. Sometimes id just be still and quiet. Its almost as exciting as being in the midst of something hectic.

Anywayz had alot of that. Drank alot of liquor, BBQ'd.. The Beach was the best.Second to the deck we had on the second floor of the house. Pure party spot. but when the sky started to turn orange then a hazy red, the water somewhat still, tiny ripples it captivates you and take you to a place within.. We dont get that enough amongst the masses and that was really cool. I came back rejuvenated and put some things in order. Im finally in my last phase of planning to go home. Its happening and I couldnt be more excited.. The only thing thats a drag is that my square footage is drastically going to be snatched from me. Talking bout 1000+ sq foot to 5, maybe 600 sq foot apartment (smh).. Its cringes my fingers to think about it. But other than that its NYC! Its Harlem- my home. I'll probably live in the outskirts (White Plains, Jerz City) where its a little cheaper but im right there you know. I get to eat Carribean and chinese food whenever I want. awwww. just thinking about exhaust's me - in a good way. My first year back will be rough but soooo much fun..

Im looking for a new gig, to up the ante my last months here.. I'm not going to be able to transfer to NY with what im doing here so I might as well get paid lovely for the rest of my stay. I've been looking into work back home;dropping my name to several employers just so im in the mix when I get there. Optimism is the key, if I see any set backs, I've already failed. Im also putting myself to get back in to school this semester.. I have to graduate.. Its a must for me. The way I was raised, I wont feel that I've accomplished the basics of my life if I dont complete the next level of my education. The refund check is gonna help as well. But I didnt have it before, so I dont have it once it hits my account. Dont know what im gonna take, but since I copped out to my original major, physical therapy - shouts to D'Youville College- I kindv'e been in disarray about a educational path. Im heading in the direction of international business.. It shall be done.. Narrowed down my choices of schools when I get back and all. Ive never been about lateral movement in the first place. Movement is either forwards or backwards, fuck tha bullshit. I miss alot of my old blogging folk, where you guys at.. I got another post coming behind this one real quik just wanted to drop a lil somethin cuzz people been tellin me i need to post.. -Q. Im so heavy.

Big Push

This year, October 19th, 2009, I will turn 28. Many times like this, it knocks a pause of thought and reflection,when it comes to my attention. The majority of my friends are opening the door (to 30) or just tipped-toed through. To date I've been reluctant to talk about it with them. Wondering about what I might be uncomfortable to find out and/or bare bare witness to realizations that I've been working on and failed to attain.

An overwhelming flow of responsibility has been pushing at me as the years come along. Sometimes I think maybe I made 30 my own tipping point..Where cause and more importantly direction will be clear. Therefor my moves and actions towards my goals are fluid and bold. No longer are the days that (I accept being told or having the mindset) I'm a young man and I have a life ahead of me. At 27 your life should have begun to show sign of fruit of progression in life. Not necessarily results but what you've done and planned for from adolescence to young adult life. For this, is the beginning. Or at least should be. I feel that my 27( 25, 24 for that matter)yr/old's path should be charted at this time.. Maturity and benchmarks- with school, career, property, savings, investments ect.would be starting to get met without as much match as when I was 20, 21. No longer the young man am I.

'The old nigga is makin' it or needs to get his act together'. Literary thought. My mom always emphasized to me; maximize your 20's. "You dont wanna struggle when your going through the struggle. I've come to intimately realize that the(responsible: key word) 35+ person deals with stresses, responsibilities, planning and everyday encounters much more profound than a young adult. Its not quite the same and for that they earn a hell of aot of respect for that. Because its always easy to do nothing, to be irresponsible, to be not dependable, humble, not to have a foresight of your younger and elder members of your folks future's- we all know a handful of folks that when as far as up the block, to the corner store, and back- and it took they whole life to do it...And thats all they did.you know?

New York City (as a kid coming in to this world in the early 80's) I remember 30's as an age people flourishing or fighting there afflictions: trying to find a balance in career/home/financial stability, some were fighting drug addiction to actually live life once again, finding love or deciding to personally run from it, and transitioning into leaders of the clan and keepers of the elderly. We all remember what we witness, especially as young children and generally make a mold of some model we seen- 'lot of us swear we our own person but we just found somebody outside of any circle we know to be like... If we didnt, we could trash the word inspiration.

I have a wonderful gift of parents. One that has taught me how to persevere, plan, and attack goals- another has taught me the pitfalls of lack of responsibility, discretion, and what mistakes not to make to be comfortable and more so at peace at 50+(its so00 not that far away- think of how fast your years of late has past you). Life is what you live, so you have to live it, you have to take chances, you have to expose and be truthful to your weaknesses- for they will hold you back in life more than anything,you have to allow yourself to not get grown too quick. But its a big mental push- not an obstacle.. Perhaps more of what you dont know and the anxiety when you cross that threshold.. But I got my head up- already taking the old as Eddie Murphy jokes and shit better without slapping the end-of-bread- crumbs outta sombody's mouth. I still look bout 20 so thats a check.I think that means 30 @50 right. Im just gonna keep right on pushin.. Shouts to the grown folks.. -Q.

Lifes simple pleasures- one of them

Tranquility...

Peace. Fluidity. A steady flow.. Of ease... Theres nothing fluid in my life.And there hasnt been for some time. The funny thing about that is Its a surprising kind of feeling everytime the realization comes up upon me. I think thats why life has been so stressful as late. My natural Libra balance is off. Im consistently finding ways to get that tranquility back. My creative and effective zone is found when I'm at peace. Some people work there best in crunch time. I never fold under pressure but its not my element like it is to most go-getters. Helping others find peace is my thing which is the most ironic aspect of it. When I think of it, my life is one of irony.Im usually able to fufill what some say is my calling while keeping my own affairs in order. I dont think im overwhelmed with others but amongst that and life itsself, I have lost touch with me. Consequently im lost in my own life's issues- and im so extremely dissapointed(in that). Maybe i need to switch focus. No wait, there's no maybe to it. I want my river to flow. I pray for that- a flow.. A flow of peace; a flow of productivity; a flow of release...For me, all those things bring movement but at the same time it is tranquil.. That movement, that flow is, of ease.. And for me I yearn for it and God answers all prayers. So I guess now im walking right into my blessing.